how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
