I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
