Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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