Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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