you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
