Is it normal to miss your booty call?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
