You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
