my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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