He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Just high enough for therapy.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
