Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Randomize
