Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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