I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
