in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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