I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
