her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
