So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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