is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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