i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
