Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
