The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
