Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
