Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
