I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
