she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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