I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
you will always have a special place in my vag
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize