i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
You did what with his pubic hair?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
