So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
