end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
accomplished twins. life is a go
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
