i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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