I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
