I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
