Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
