I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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