i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
