I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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