Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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