I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
