God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Randomize
