If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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