yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm gonna fight the coyote
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
