OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
