last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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