Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize