the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My dick has a subreddit
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize