Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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