i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
