Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
