"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
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