I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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