I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize