god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
did you just send me my own nude
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
