I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
