So drunk, too bad you don't want this
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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