You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
do nipples grow back?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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