Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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