and she was petting her beer can
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize