Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
