at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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