whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
