I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
