I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize