I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
