you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
it's like iHOP with fire
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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