Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
