Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
