Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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