he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
