Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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