3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
my sisters under your porch take her home
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
