I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
