glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
