Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
