what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
