The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
