i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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