Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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