She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
